Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

       Ah yes, the much anticipated (?) fourth installment of the infamous "found-footage" films chronicling a demonic haunting.  In the first film, we met Katie and Micah, a young couple who begin experiencing bizarre phenomena.  Micah begins filming all the happenings (which seem to be attached to Katie), and challenges whatever seems to be causing them.  In this film, the creators really went for a Blair Witch-esque feel, naming their characters after the actors playing them.  This, I guess, adds to the authenticity of the the footage supposedly found and then exploited for profit.  Well, it ends up with Katie getting possessed, killing Micah, and then going to "whereabouts unknown."

        All-in-all not a bad scary flick.  The scares weren't too cheap and although the filming could be obnoxious at times, it did add to the realism.

        Film two served as a prequel.  Katie's sister's family begins experiencing weird shit so they install a series of extremely sophisticated security cameras.  Shit gets weird so their ethnic maid helps them to send the demon to mess with someone else.  In this case, Katie.  Apparently blood is not thicker than water with this family.  Well, Mr. Demon is barely phased by this expulsion and (as we saw in the first film) possesses Katie, heads back to her sister's house, murders the whole family, and steals their baby.

       For a sequel (created solely for capital gain) it wasn't awful.  It explained why the demon attached itself to Katie, and remained relatively creepy, although the scares varied little from the first film.

Symbol from Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

       In film three, we step back into the past even further and get to see Katie and Kristi as little kids living with their mother, her boyfriend, and his video cameras.  We see that the demon has come to haunt Kristi, and end up finding out that the girls' grandmother was involved in some sort of demon-worshiping cult who has promised the first born son to the demon.  Obviously no sons have been born, so Mr. Demon is pissed and haunting  people.  Also, this cult's symbol looks suspiciously like the the Deathly Hallows.  Hmm...

The Deathly Hallows.  Hmm...

       I wasn't really sold on this film.  The inclusion of the cult was interesting, although it did very little to explain it.  The last ten minutes or so were relatively intense, although the film left you with more questions than answers.  Good thing they made a fourth movie!!!  Not.

        If, like me, you are hoping to get some answers about why films 1-3 happened (other than grandma was a crazy bitch), prepare to be disappointed.  If you are hoping to go see a film that offers up genuine chills and creep-outs, prepare to be disappointed.  If you are hoping to see a film with a story that allows it to stand on its own, prepare to be disappointed.

"Hey LaRonda.  No, I'm at the movies but I can talk."

       When this film ended, my only thoughts were:  "I'm glad we only payed six bucks for tickets," and, "I really hate when certain movie-going ethnicities perpetuate stereotypes."  Despite the distractions from my fellow movie-goers, the movie did a fine job of failing all on its own.  Of course I use the term "failing" loosely, as this movie still managed to top the box office this weekend.  With a "whopping" $30.2 mil, it's still significantly below its estimated $44.5 mil budget.  Let's hope it's inevitable Netflix release will help close that budget gap.

Go, Danny, go!  The Shining (1980)

       Paranormal Activity 4 follows a new family.  A weird neighbor kid (we've all known those) starts hanging out at this family's house, and Alex, a pretty 15-year-old, thinks he's creepy as hell.  Too bad no one listens to her, and little Robbie moves in with the family after his "mom" goes to the hospital.  Robbie gets all buddy-buddy with Alex's little brother Wyatt, and weird stuff starts to happen.  The "scares" in this film are below sub-par, with the only hint of ingenuity coming in the form of filming the Xbox kinect sensor. With little green dots covering the room, the outline of a little kid can be seen.  This trick is repeated, adding no variety to the scares.

Oh, Robbie, and your f'ed up artwork!

       It turns out that Katie is Robbie's "mom" and that Robbie is trying to prepare Wyatt for his transformation into some sort of demon overlord or whatever.   Okaaaaay...  So why did Katie not keep Hunter/Wyatt the whole time?  Why did she let him be adopted by some random family, only to stalk that family, snap their necks, and use some unexplained Robbie kid to seduce him?  I mean, who the heck was Robbie?  To me it seemed as though he was simply there to pay homage to Danny Torrence a la The Shining (1980).  They even threw in a big wheel!  I mean, what kid rides those anymore?  Especially in the house?  Nice try though.  I'm sure Stephen King/Stanley Kubrick are honored. 

       Well, everyone besides Alex and Wyatt dies, and Alex stupidly runs across the street to Katie's house and runs head-on into a gaggle of witch bitches.  Some sort of CGI crap happens to Katie's face and she attacks Alex (who conveniently happens to be filming all of this on her iPhone instead of using it to call the police or as a flashlight).  Oh, did I mention that the rest of the footage collected is being recorded via Skype conversations?  Oh, the ingenuity!  Yeah, well, Alex dies I guess and the women/demon worshipers get to keep Wyatt/Hunter and turn him into another Danny Torrence possessed by who I can only assume is Tony.

Red Rum!

       The end.

       It's been a while since I've sat in my theatre seat for five minutes after a movie ended because I'm so flabbergast at the level of my disappointment.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect this movie to be anything particularly worthwhile, but my low expectations were met with even lower results.  The whole "have low expectations and you can't be disappointed" theory failed miserably in this instance.  Simply Amazing. 

       So, my goal here is to keep at least one person from spending money (and preferably their time) on this film.  Go see Sinister (2012) instead.

       Fin.